What I learnt from the wolves
Adopting my first rescue dog was a completely new experience. Growing up, we only had cats. I remember being afraid of dogs as a child. However, in my twenties, I had a few positive encounters with dogs at house parties. After a few drinks for courage, I found myself enjoying their company
Before this I remember a specific moment when I was about ten years old. I visited a friend who had two Labrador retrievers - one completely wild, the other mellow. I immediately connected with the crazy one, finding his constant energy strangely familiar. We played for a while, but then something amazing happened. We both collapsed on the floor together and just... stayed there. It was the first time I can remember feeling truly calm inside. My friend's mom even joked that I should visit more often because I had such a positive effect on the dog!
Years passed, and I didn't revisit that childhood memory until I was 23, standing before an adult wolf. Suddenly, that same sense of inner peace washed over- like hearing a forgotten song where every lyric rushes back. For a fleeting moment, I felt a deep sense of belonging.
This experience unlocked something within me. Before, my life felt like a frantic race with no finish line. I was constantly searching for something undefined, a long line of failed jobs and relationships in my wake. I couldn't pause, fearing the pain would consume me. But that moment of inner stillness with the wolf changed everything. Suddenly, I had direction. I didn't know my destination, but I knew the path to take.
Almost Five years later, I barely recognise the person I was -the scared little girl who felt lost and out of place. That day with the dog when I was 10, and later with the wolf...they gave me something my parents, partners, and friends never could. They looked beyond all of my baggage and saw my true self. They valued me not for what I could do, but simply for who I was.
The reason my first rescue wasn’t coping was because I wasn’t coping. She was this hyperactive dis-regulated dog with little direction, living in a scary world. She was a carbon copy of me. I couldn’t connect to her, because I didn’t even understand what actual connection was. I was living in survival mode most of the time. What she needed from me It goes beyond surface-level interactions and delves into the realm of shared meanings, perceptions and synergy.
The only way for real change was looking inwardly and working through my own issues. I couldn’t train her out of the behaviours because we are complex mammals. Dogs, like humans, are ancient creatures navigating a modern world. Their genetic blueprint still predisposes them to thrive within social groups. This blueprint includes their social character, nervous system ,social engagement system etc all these thing’s are part of a complex tapestry of our shared evolution as mammals .This is why "faking it" with a dog doesn't work – you can't bribe away behavior that's deeply rooted in their biology
My first rescue dog did more than become my dog; she became a catalyst for self-discovery. Through caring for her, I learned the importance of nurturing myself as well. Her needs became a powerful motivator to create space for personal growth, self-love, and emotional healing. It was as if she intuitively knew I needed this journey as much as she did. Often, I wonder where life would have taken me without her. This experience reinforces a valuable truth: the most rewarding endeavors are rarely easy. Challenges, especially those that push us beyond our comfort zone, can ultimately lead to the most profound growth. Looking back at those initial, overwhelming months with a smile, I recognize them as a true blessing in disguise.
